[Anonim]

CONFESSIONS OF A POLICE AGENT:

He was not a regular church attender, but he was round my house almost everyday. He had an amazing interest in Christ and His teaching. He would ask his questions daily and would almost demand answers to everything that bothered him. He would then listen to my replies with great intent. If the three hours spend in that morning was not enough, he would also visit me in the evening of the same day. I felt obliged to give him all this time as I did not want to withold Living Waters from him who was thirsty. But this put a lot of stress on my already very busy schedule, and the work was piling up all the time. We continued this way for about 18 months and we always ended our fellowship with a prayer.

He was a son of a Cabinet Minister. He was intelligent and educated. He weighed everything very carefully. He became a believer, nearly a year ago and he was baptised. But his questions never ended and never diminished even after his baptism. Despite everything, I had a great joy in my heart, having won him for Christ. I could never abandon him just because of his never ending questions and as the consequence of this; I felt as if I was drowning under the overwhelming weight of the accumulated work, demanding immediate attention. In all that time, he did not know how much I prayed for him, how I interceded for him often with tears in many sleepless nights. Even now, he does not know.

One day, he came to visit me again. As usual, he had many questions. But he also had some papers in his hand, which were print-outs of certain news with pictures, from the internett. He wanted me to look at them. It was about this 14 year old Iranian girl who was caught with her boyfriend (doing what? It did not say) and who was mercilessly put to death by stoning and her head was crashed by a huge pavement stone with cries of “Allah-u Ekber” (Allah is great) and squashed like a tomatoe. It is obvious that, those who did these things had never heard the words of our Lord saying: “He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone”. Neither did they hear His words that say: “For with what judgement you judge, you will be judged”. A merciless judgement and desperately wicked condemnation carried out in the name of Allah that left the assailants feeling proud and holy and righteous, having pleased their lord and all, with no remorse or bad conscience. I also watched it on the internett.

Coming back to our story; my friend was acting very different on that day. As if, he was not the same person. As if, he was somewhere else when I talked to him. He had never been like this before. I was talking about the Lord’s sufferings and I was saying that the people who did it to Him 2 000 years ago, also thought that they were serving God. They were blind to their situation. They were blind to their absolute wickedness, to the hardness of their own hearts, to the degree of evil they were swimming in and to the stench of even their most righteous deeds. Having never known the Lord, they never knew what love is, what mercy, forgiveness or compassion is; having their hearts filled with hatred and wrath, condemning themselves by condemning others, carrying out the desire of their father the Devil and all the time thinking that they are serving God or their ‘National Interests’. Scourging a baby to a pulp and then crucifying him on a cross is no more wicked than crucifying the perfect and innocent and loving ‘Lamb of God’ and yet, their corrupted hearts and seared consciences fail to manifest any signs of sorrow or remorse or repentance.

I was agitated in my spirit as I considered the hearts of men and their blindness to their own situation. So, I poured out my heart as I spoke. Men who fail to see the plank in their own eyes, judging and condemning, even to death, those that have or may have a speck in their eyes.

Suddenly, “Enough” he said with a strange voice. I turned and looked and there he was crying with a screwed-up face, his lips and hands and his whole body trembling, his face was wet with tears, he repeated: “That is enough. I cannot do it any longer. I cannot continue”. He wiped his red eyes with the back of his hands and tried to recover and repose. When he noticed the expression on my face, he said “I’ll tell you all. From the beginning. Yes, I’ll tell you all. I work for the police. I was sent by them, to spy on you. I have been reporting to them for the last 18 months since I have been with you. All the names, all the members, visitors, specially foreign visitors. What is the real purpose? Who or what is behind all this? Who is financing it all?

“I have reported all these, since that time; since I came in to your church; but truly I have seen nothing to report. All I could see were the love of the people, and how they welcomed me, and rejoiced over me and the unfair suffering they had to put up with, because of people like us. Initially I thought as the others and I only looked through their glasses. Every report I submitted, I tried to make it sound as bad as possible, with the worst possible comments on every event. I suspected everyone, I thought the worst of every move, every decision and I had nothing positive to say about the church, no not even a word. To me, every foreigner was a potential enemy, or a spy, trying to undermine the government or destroy the unity of the country. They were the enemy of the Turkish People. However, it took me some time to realize that really, I was that enemy.

How could I have been so merciless? How could I cause so much suffering to my own people, my own countrymen and still think that I was a nationalist? What is natioanalism? How could anyone be a nationalist and hate and persecute his own people? Just because they could not believe, what I believed in. And the truth is that I did not even believe in what I said I believed in. I had no time for religion and yet I sat and judged these people, because of their religious beliefs. We all did.

I was embraced everytime they saw me, everytime I went to the church. No one treated me with such warmth as they did, and yet I still harboured enmity in my heart. How could I work so hard to make them suffer? How could I be so cruel against such innocent people? I can never forgive myself. And now that I have told you, I feel better. I could not bear it any longer. You can now send me away. Kick me out of your house. I deserve this and more”.

I got up, went near and hugged him. “Of course I forgive you. I am shocked to hear all these but I am at the same time very pleased. You have crucified the church; but the Lord forgave those that crucified Him”. He was in tears once again and cried uncontrollably. “I want something from you” he said. “Please baptise me again. The other one was a lie. It was a pretence. It was not real. Please please baptise me again. Can you please baptise me again now?” I baptised him again in the pool. Great joy came over him and his face shone with gladness. He was like a little boy. The next evening, when we had our prayer meeting, he also came and shared his testimony with the church, to their amazement, shock and great joy. Everyone felt the Spirit of the Lord as we hugged one another and praised Him. He apologised to the Lord and to the church and asked for forgiveness. Since then, he shared his faith openly, to his family and friends and even to the police authorities that sent him to do the spying. Soon after, his 17 years old daughter also came to the Lord, who is now studying in UK.

Our story does not end here. And as life continues, this story will also continue. But as the Lord warned, there will always be wolves in lamb’s clothing. Wild and blood thirsty wolves, serving their masters the Devil and yet thinking that they are serving the Lord. But the power of love, overcomes all evil. Love that never gives up, love that never gets fed- up, love that is pure and longlasting. Love that suffers all things, knowingly and deliberately, even unto death. It is love, they know nothing about. It is the Love that opens the doors of our hearts even to the wolves, as well as to the lambs of God. We stand in the presence of the Most High, walk in the Light and fear no men. But blessed are those who are called ‘His Sheep’; for they hear His voice, they follow it and they obtain Peace which is not of this world. The world cannot know it.

May Your name be honoured, glorified, exalted o Lamb of God, our Saviour and our King. We rejoice in you, oh Great Shepherd.

[Yazar]

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